Finer Moments

The other night I was sifting through a pile of torrid refuse, looking for a matchbook and a usable candelabra, when I heard the faint musings of a distant falafel vendor. Having not yet eaten that night and remembering a distinct fondness for falafel, I made my way to the sweet odor that was tickling my olfactory sense. On the way, I witnessed a knife bearing man insisting that a nearby woman relinquish her keys, phone and handbag. I demanded that the criminal cease this threatening activity and put down the knife. Instead he came at me with the blade! Cleverly, I disarmed the foe by lodging his knife between two of my ribs, rendering it useless. Outmatched and out of knives, the coward ran into the comforting embrace of the darkness. As my warm, crimson essence slowly pooled beneath my hemp pullover, the distressed damsel looked into my eyes with a comforting gaze and asked if there was anything she could do to repay me. I explained to her that a responsible citizen crusader expects nothing back for his heroic deeds.

But a ride to a nearby hospital would have been greatly appreciated.